Mirror, mirror

There are certain unwritten rules about being female, rules that seem to apply to most women in regards to our habits and emotions and lifestyles...my favorite of which is the general assumption that all women love to shop. This really is a very general assumption. Not ALL women like to shop. There are exceptions to every rule. However, much to my husband's dismay, in this case, I just so happen to be the rule. I love shopping. For anything, really, but mostly for clothes (big shocker there!). Now don't get me wrong: I could not directly relate to the main character in "Confessions of a Shopoholic". I'm not an impulse shopper, or a big spender. I don't even own a credit card in my name! So it's safe to say that I'm a careful shopper...but nontheless, the love affair remains.

It is such a nice feeling to put on a new outfit. The upside is that you feel fresh, and well-groomed, and completely put-together. The downside...this feelings usually only lasts for the "first wearing". This can become a dangerous pattern :)
So keeping our hard earned dollars, and our plans to put X number of dollars into savings each month in mind, I launched a separate branch of our savings plan (Save-a-Palooza 2009!!!) called "Cold Turkey". NO shopping for anything that I would wear on my body. This included (but was not limited to), clothing, jewelery, shoes (awwww maaaan...), and purses (many more groans). I actually drew up my own contract, complete with exceptions (buying shoes for a wedding I'm in this summer), Border Limitations (allowing me to shop if I left the country, thus leaving this fall's shopping trip to Bangor within my allowances), and one potential circumstance that would leave the contract null and void (if I was to become pregnant, and require maternity clothes). Oh, it was all very official! It was to last for one year from the date signed...January 12th, 2009.
I lasted a little over three months. With a huff and a, "What a stupid idea that was!" I headed into Avalon Mall with a shopping buddy last saturday...and never looked back :) I emerged many, many hours later, with not only a few shopping bags, but also a new-ish realization.

It's ok for me to want to look nice!!!

The Bible talks about how a woman's beauty is to come from within: from a humble and gentle spirit, and a heart after God. In James 4:7, we're told that God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble (James 4:7).

If I'm gaining any sort of pride from outward appearance (or inward, for that matter), then that is not ok.

If my spirit is suffering because of the time being spent on my outward self, then something is wrong.

If I'm spending more time and effort on what the world sees than on what my God sees, then something is really, really wrong.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine blogged about how our bodies are only "temporary homes". I love the way she worded that! It's really such a simply truth that sometimes it's easy to miss! This body I'm in, regardless of how I dress is, or what kind of shape I get it in, is getting closer to the end of its purpose with every breath that I take. So why all the work? Am I planning to someday come face to face with the God of the Universe, and say, "Yah, I know my soul is a little rough around the edges...I have a lot of bitterness...a lot of pride...a lot of envy...But, did you see the outfit I wore to my Grad dinner? SUPER nice. And the time I chopped my bangs? Man, did THAT look great or what?? Plus, I don't know if you noticed, but I once gave up chocolate and lost those lingering 5 pounds!" Seriously. Why do we worry so much about the part of us that is so hopelessly temporary?

These are the thoughts that have been on my mind a lot lately. The fact of the matter is, I like to try my best to look nice. I don't think this is wrong of me. I'm just learning, more and more, just how much lower on my list of priorties the desire to, "look nice" should be. About 4 years ago, I almost missed the Easter service at my church. I accidently overslept, and didn't have time to do my hair OR iron my brand new Easter outfit before heading to the church early for choir practice (in an non-Easter-y outfit the I had long ago deemed to be, "old and ugly", but was at least wrinkle-free and clean). I spent the whole of praise and worship time worrying about how I looked, and looking around me with annoyance at everyone in their beautiful Easter clothes. I fidgeted, picked at my hair, and, in the end, missed a solid half-hour of worshiping my Lord all because I couldn't get over my insecurities. Then, during the message, my heart was hit with just how ridiculous I was being. I sat with silent tears through the rest of the service, slightly in shock at just how prideful I was actually capable of being. I asked my God for forgiveness. I promised Him I would try harder to focus on my heart, and less on the way I looked. Then, after the service, as we were on our way out the door, we stopped to talk to a friend of mine of Jamie's, who turned to me and said, "By the way, you look really pretty this morning!" I almost laughed out loud at God's timing...the way He puts people in our paths who will encourage us, lift us up...and sometimes give us a wake up call just when we need it most! That morning I was hit with the reminder that it's not just a pretty, flowery saying: When we have a humble spirit, and a God-seeking heart, His love really does shine through us, and out of us. And how can that make us anything but beautiful?

1 Samuel 16:6-8 says that, "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (NIV)
I hope what the my God likes what He sees when he looks at my heart. It's not always very pretty. But it's slowly being remodelled.



"Beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." - 1 Peter 3:3-4 (NIV)