So this weekend was Easter. And I spent many an hour quietly sulking in my mind over the fact that everyone around me had the privilege of looking forward to an Easter dinner/weekend with their families. This basically went on and on until I suddenly was reminded of LAST Easter. Here's last Easter in a nutshell:
(It's Easter Sunday morning, 2008. Jamie and Katie are waiting in their car in the ferry lineup to go over to town for the sunday morning service at a church they have only recently started attending, aka where they hardly know anyone).
Katie: "I'm SOOOO happy we get to have this day together!!!"
Jamie's cell phone begins to ring....
Katie: "Don'tansweritDon'tansweritDon'tanswerit........."
Jamie's boss on cell phone: "Um we need backup. You're going to have to not go to church."
..........At which point Katie has to pull out of the ferry lineup, drop her husband off at the office, and return to the ferry...alone...to attend church...alone.
Fun story, huh? Basically, my mopiness was interrupted by the memory of last Easter, when I not only did not get to share Easter with my family, I didn't even get to share it with my husband. My subsequent (and alarmingly fast) realization was this: regardless of who we are with, or aren't with, or wish we were with, this weekend is one that we set aside specifically to remember Christ's death and celebrate His resurrection. It's supposed to be for HIM.
It's so wonderful to be with family, and the ones we love, especially during holidays. It warms the heart and usually makes everything just feel right. But I am learning, once again, that I must first celebrate HIM.
And the undeserved sacrifice He made. For me.
And the unfathomable suffering He endured. For me.
And the unconditional love he extends. For me.
This past weekend, I found myself, once again, I could feel a part of me (this is also the part of me that can occasionally have a bad temper and a selfish attitude) just wishing that I could to spend my requisite hour in church, and then spend the following hours with my family and friends, eating a beautiful meal off a finely crafted table in a tastfully decorated home, all the while trying desperately to maintain my comfort by pushing to the back of my mind the true reason for our gathering together:
"He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we esteemed Him not. Surely He took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered Him stricken by God, smitten by Him, and afflicted. But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed and afflicted, yet He did not open His mouth; He was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so He did not open his mouth." - Isaiah 53:3-7 (NIV)
There is nothing wrong with me enjoying the company and fellowship of my family and friends. However, I'm learning that if that is simply not an option at the time, its ok! He GAVE these people to me! HE brought them into my life! But He still calls on me to place Him first, above all else.
To remember that this weekend we set aside is all about Him, and all He has done.
To remember that my life is all about Him, and all that He is doing, and has yet to do.
Last year, I spent Easter mostly alone, complaining to my God, who continues to be everlastingly patient with me.
This year, I spent Easter with my husband. That's a step up! I tried my best to keep my eyes solely on my Lord, and off of myself.
And so, with my God continually working on my attitude, next year is looking bright and promising!
Happy Easter Monday!
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