We've reached the final year of our 3-year posting, and up until recently, I've felt as though, "The Countdown is On!" Officially, we have only 8 months (and 14 days...but who's counting?) left on our posting...which, with all the technicalities, will work out to be about 1 year and 5-ish months. I've looking forward to the coming months since the day I left my home in NB, knowing how excited I would be to someday return and be close to my family again.
I don't want to make where I live sound like the armpit of Canada: it's a beautiful place, with welcoming people, and a breathtaking landscape. We're lucky enough to be in force housing, we have a great church, we love our jobs, and we've made so many wonderful friends. But there's just that can compare to being close to your family. And until recently, what got me through being so far away from them all was my Mental Countdown: "Just 2 and 1/2 more years.".... "Just 18 more months." .... "Next Year".
So what do I do now that, "Next Year" might end up being, "2013"...
Isn't it funny how easy it is to calmly say that, "God's in Control", when deep down we actually feel like we are? Maybe it's only me who suffers from, "Let Me Do It My Way!!" syndrome...but somehow I doubt it.
When I firmly believed that the only place we would be considering for our next posting was closer to home, I had no problem smiling and reassuring myself that my God would work it all out according to His plan for us. Maybe because I believed He would work it out the way I thought it should work out? Now that we're looking at other options, one's that are not my first choice, I'm finding it so much harder to TRUST.
Which, I guess, is the whole point. I'm not actually trusting HIM if I'm trying to do it all myself.
If I leave work to go to Sobey's, the Mall, and then Home Depot, I can't just drive and figure out the quickest route as I go: I'm the kind of person that absolutely must figure out my route before I even put my car in drive. When I go to yard sales, I draw a map: I have to know which roads to take, where I'm going first, second, third, etc. before I leave my house, or else I get flustered. I am NOT a fly by the seat of my pants sort of girl.
Now, my life is way bigger than yard sales (not to everyone I guess...but to me it is :) ), and I have such a difficult time not having a plan. But Matthew 6:34 tells us, "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." (NLT) There's a toughie. In my marriage I'm the worrier. I worry that the curtains will catch fire (in all fairness) and that not getting an oil change on time will, "Wreck our truck". I always buy travel insurance. I pay the bills way ahead of time for fear that there will be some hold-up, the payments won't go through, we'll get bad credit, and we'll never be able to buy a house (Hey, I'm reasonable, if nothing else! ). So you can imagine how anxious I must feel, not knowing what house, or town, or province (or territory, for that matter...) I might be living in a year from now. It's a stressful thought.
If you get a moment, send up a little prayer for my sanity. And my anxious heart. Because if there's one thing worse for the heart than red meat and salt, it's anxiety!
Hope you have a BEAUTIFUL weekend!