I think I was probably born thinking I know what's best for me. Ask my parents: I'm sure they'll completely agree with this statement. I think it's safe to say that more often than not, we turn to God when I situation has gotten so completely out of our control that His hand is now the only answer.
I am constantly reminding myself of why I am here: Not here, as in, alive and on this earth; but here, as in, so far away from my family. If I'm not careful, my thinking seems to gravitate towards:
I am here because this is where my husband got posted. We have to put in time here before we can have a chance at being posted closer to home.
Not true!! Everytime I manage to calm my mind, and be still, I hear my God saying, "You are here because I PLACED YOU HERE. You are here because I LOVE YOU, AND I WANT ONLY WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU. You are here because THIS IS MY PLAN FOR YOU."
When Jamie and I were planning our wedding invitations, we chose one of my favorite verses, Jeremiah 29:11, to go at the top of them:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you hope, and a future."
I'm seeing a big problem in my thinking, one that I'm only now starting to address. Since our wedding, I've felt a bit like I'm waiting for our "future", the one our God has promised us, to begin. We've had so many ups and downs since our wedding that I sort of feel as though we can't just be a "normal" couple until we're back closer to home, living in our own house, together. Because we've never really had that!
The obvious problem with this is me, and my brain.
I'm realizing just how much stock I've put into this picture in my mind of what mine and Jamie's life should look like. So much so, that instead of being "content in every situation", I find myself being, "somewhat content in looking forward to the day our situation changes". And that's not a good thing.
The thing is, I don't really learn well. Looking back on every single frustrating or confusing situation we've been through, I can see God's hand so clearly. In every moment where I felt completely helpless, or overwhelmed, I can now see how the Lord was very carefully crafting out His plan for me, and for us. But still, in any and every situation, I find myself with the desire to do things my way, to make decisions based on all I think I know. But as humans, we are so limited in our understanding of God's ways, and His plans for us. Isaiah 55:8-9 says:
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
So. Unto my Veggie Tales-ish rendition of "What I Learned Today" (or, in my case, am currently learning...).
I'm learning that His plan for me doesn't start in some far off day when I'm living the life I've always thought I wanted; it has already started, and often I'm too busy looking towards tomorrow to notice it.
I'm learning that there is nothing I could dream up for my life that could bring me more joy or fulfillment than the plans He has for me; the plans He's always had for me.
I'm learning that when my God has something to tell me, He usually won't stop me in my tracks with a clap of lightening or a giant billboard. He want's me to make the effort to listen, so that when He decides to speak in a gentle whisper, I'll still hear Him.
And I'm learning that if He is moving me to take a step, He will be the Rock for me to stand on.
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